Magical Nurse Witch Sasuke
by LadyUNXD
Summary: What happens when Orochimaru uses a new jutsu that completely changes Sasuke's personality? Why he becomes Magical Nurse Witch Sasuke of course.
1. Chapter 1

When Orochimaru uses a jutsu that makes Sasuke's personality completely change into a fun loving, caring, forgiving and more childlike person……..he ends up becoming MAGICAL NURSE WITCH SASUKE:D yes this is a crack Naruto fanfiction

Warning: Crazy Naruto Fan Girl Crack. Contains: stupidity, cross-dressing, and anime parodies. Also Contains slight yaoi. If you don't like then don't read. Also this fanfiction was just written for a few laughs, so please do not take offence. Rating : Teen???

"Blah" Talking

_**blah **_flash back

blah note or added in comment from me…

'_Blah' _Thinking

**Magical Nurse Witch Sasuke**

It was a nice warm summer day, and Sasuke laid on the cool grass under shade of a tree. He was innocently looking up at the clouds in the bright blue sky above like a child or Shikamaru would. Every now and then there was a gust of wind which occasionally moved some of his jet black hair in front of his eyes. Eventually a small orange butterfly landed on Sasuke's nose. It wasn't long until Sasuke grabbed the butterfly off of his nose and crushed it in his hands.

From a safe distance away, and behind a giant rock, Orochimaru watched as his student as he crushed the butterfly. _'That's so cute.'_ Orochimaru thought, as he slowly crept away before Sasuke noticed he was there.

Later on that Night……….

Orochimaru was deep with in thought. _'Sasuke is way to violent for his own good. It's just a matter of time before he directs some of his anger towards me. Although I might have to use that forbidden jutsu I made specially for Itachi on him……"_Soon the door to the room that Orochimaru was in opened, brining Orochimaru out of his thoughts.

"Lord Orochimaru." Kabuto said with a little smirk.

"What is it now, Kabuto? It better be something worth while!!" Orochimaru replied annoyed with his subordinate's lack of manners.

"Sasuke has gone to bed, Lord Orochimaru." Kabuto said calmly, "You had said had wanted to know when he went to bed. Also I have the scroll that you had requested." Kabuto's patience with Orochimaru's idiocy was drawing thin._ 'How could he already have forgotten what he asked me to get five minuets ago!?'_ Kabuto sighed. It wasn't always easy working under an idiot…"If I may Lord Orochimaru, what is in the contents of this scroll?"

"You'll see later, Kabuto." Orochimaru said as he grinned.

Midnight.

_'I created this jutsu so that I could control Uchiha Itachi better, but it looks like I need to use it on Sasuke instead. He's just way to violent, normally I wouldn't care as much since I AM one of the legendary Sanins, but I have to admit right now I am more afraid of Sasuke than I am of Itachi. At least Itachi is more mentally stable and less moody than Sasuke……I just hope that this jutsu works..'_ Orochimaru thought to himself. "I am such a genius. Although this will technically be the first time that I have ever used this jutsu…Oh well but it is worth a shot." And with that Orochimaru entered the room and crept over to the bed where his pupil was asleep. After making the appropriate hand signs and using the correct amount of chakra he used his pointer and middle finger and poked his student on the forehead. **"PROZAC NO JUTSU!!!!!"** _'All there is to do now is wait and see how he is when he wakes up.' _Orochimaru felt confident that his jutsu had worked as he skipped happily out of Sasuke's room.

THE NEXT MORNING-

Orochimaru had stayed awake all night like a little kid waiting for Santa. But when it had reached around 7 in the morning, he couldn't wait any longer to see the results from his jutsu. It wasn't long until he made is way into Sasuke's bedroom. Although he couldn't hold in a little "Aww" when he saw how cute Sasuke looked when he was curled up on his bed. But since Orochimaru was more interested in seeing the effects of the jutsu so he carefully shook Sasuke.

It took a little bit before Sasuke opened his eyes. Sasuke slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Nyu…."

"So Sasuke, how did you sleep last night?" Orochimaru asked. _'Now I'll finally see if the jutsu really worked! But damn Sasuke looked so cute when he was asleep!!! Wait, Orochimaru focus now! Don't get distracted!!!'_

"I slept fine, Uncle Orochi!!"A surprisingly cheerful Sasuke exclaimed.

It was then that sunshine poured into the room all around Sasuke, and some how little woodland creatures had entered the room too. It was like a bad parody from some Fairly Odd Parents episode…

Either Orochimaru was on crack or his jutsu had worked!!

End of Chapter 1. :D

Although I am sorry that it was so short, I promise that the future chapters will be longer!!!


	2. Chapter 2

MNWS Chapter 2: a magical Nurse is born

Chapter 2: A Magical Nurse is Born!

The end of the last chapter:

"So Sasuke, how did you sleep last night?" Orochimaru asked. 'Now I'll finally see if the jutsu really worked! But damn Sasuke looked so cute when he was asleep!! Wait, Orochimaru focus now! Don't get distracted!!'  
"I slept fine, Uncle Orochi!!" A surprisingly cheerful Sasuke exclaimed.  
It was then that sunshine poured into the room all around Sasuke, and some how little woodland creatures had entered the room too. It was like a bad parody from some Fairly Odd Parents episode…

Either Orochimaru was on crack or his jutsu had worked!!

Later that morning:

It wasn't until breakfast that the other sound ninjas noticed there was something different about Sasuke. Specifically, the fact that he made the Sound 4, Orochimaru, Kabuto, and himself sit at a special table together with a clean white table cloth and fresh white doilies at every place. The table itself was laden with hot buttermilk and blueberry pancakes, natural Canadian Maple Syrup, new milk, and freshly squeezed orange juice. And in the middle of the table there was a little vase of flowers that Sasuke himself had picked just that morning. How he managed to find all of this in a hidden ninja village of all places was a mystery to even Orochimaru himself.  
Sakon was still half asleep and didn't seem to notice anything wrong yet.  
Kidomaru just kind of stared at Sasuke, considering the fact that the normally angry teenager was smiling and wearing a pink frilly apron that had a picture of a little back cat on it.  
Tayuya look back and forth to Orochimaru with a suspicious glance. "What the hell is all of this!? Is this some kind of joke!?"  
Jirobo, who would have normally scolded Tayuya for her un-lady like behavior, for once didn't stop and scold her about it. Although he certainly wasn't complaining 

about the free meal.  
Sasuke looked at Tayuya confusedly and then smiled. "Look everyone I made you all a balanced breakfast!!"  
Tayuya stared at Sasuke for a few more seconds before she angrily got up to leave.  
"That's it I'm leaving!!" She turned around and began to stomp away muttering something about incompetence when she felt something tug at her sleeve.  
"No Auntie Tayuya!! You can't leave now!! Breakfast time is meant to be family time so we can all start our day TOGETHER!! Don't leave!!" While saying this Sasuke kind of wrapped himself around Tayuya's arm and gave her his best puppy eyes. "Please Auntie Tayuya? For me?"  
Even someone as cold hearted as Tayuya could not resist the overwhelming cuteness, and she reluctantly sat back down. The other sound ninjas just stared in shock of the scene that was just displayed before their eyes, except for Orochimaru, who was too busy going "Aww" to be shocked. Kabuto, who had already started eating spat his food out on the table.  
"Lord Orochimaru, What did you do to Sasuke?" Kabuto half shouted.  
"That………………..is………………a secret!" Orochimaru exclaimed.  
Sasuke just kind of stared at Kabuto wondering what he meant by that but shortly stopped caring, which was very un-Sasuke like. "I don't really understand what Kabuto and Uncle Orochi are talking about, but everybody make sure you take your vita……vita……vitaminins!"  
Sakon was awake enough to hear "vitaminins" and "Uncle Orochi" and suddenly looked around wondering if he was in the right hidden village.  
Kabuto twitched and fell over, "I think I'll go get Kimimaro his medicine now." he said in a daze. He got up and left the rest of the meal untouched.  
"Wait, Kabuto!! I'll go with you! I have to bring Kimi-chan his breakfast in bed to make him feel better!!" And with that said, Sasuke some how managed to produce a tray full of waffles and orange juice and even another mini flower vase.  
Kabuto felt like bashing his head into a wall. 'How the F& did he manage to get that tray out of nowhere!?' However, Kabuto instead managed a weak smile and said "Of, course Sasuke…" and he reluctantly walked out of the room followed by a happy and cheery Sasuke. After they had left, Sakon was the first to speak.  
"Kimi-chan? And why does he get waffles?"  
To which Jirobo replied, happily munching on the food, "Who cares? These are some damn good pancakes!"  
Orochimaru sighed as he watched his pupil go away. "He's so cute! I'm such a genius! This plan is amazing! FREE PANCAKES! And he's even made waffles for Kimimaro! This is even better than I'd hoped! You guys all owe me big for this!"  
"You got some explaining to do!" Tayuya yelled.  
Orochimaru smiled and began to explain his "evil" plan.

--

--

In Kimimaro's room

Sasuke waited in the doorway, surprised at how dark it was inside Kimimaro's room. Even the sunshine that followed him everywhere since he woke up this morning couldn't permeate the shadows that cloaked the ailing ninja's room. In the dim light, he could make out Kabuto standing over the bed administering the medicine. Kimimaro lay motionless on the bed, pale and thin from his sickness. Sasuke hesitatingly walked into the room, wondering if the stagnant air inside was making him more ill.  
He looked at Kimimaro quietly for a while, and finally he haltingly asked Kabuto "Um………..uh…………..Kabuto…………………….Kimimaro seems kind of...dead."  
Kabuto twitched a little at hearing his failure spoken aloud, and to his great relief Kimimaro coughed softly. "Sasuke, SHUT UP!" He said annoyed and hurriedly left the room before he would be forced to see the hurt on Sasuke's face.  
"….Nyu…." Sasuke murmured sorrowfully before turning his attention back to Kimimaro.  
"Kimi-Chan?" He asked quietly, and the man tiredly opened his eyes to look at him. "I brought you some breakfast, Kimi-chan. Please get better soon." Saying this, Sasuke placed the tray carefully in his lap, trying not to hurt him. Kimimaro sat up and eyed Sasuke seriously.  
"I can't die yet." He said solemnly. "Lord Orochimaru still has need of me" And he began to eat, moving through sheer dedication and will.  
Sasuke was in awe of Kimimaro's noble statement. "Kimi-chan…That's so COOL! But, you're hurt; it's sad. I wish there was something I could do to help! Maybe I can help Kabuto! But I don't know anything about medicine, nyu….Wait! If you can be so dedicated, Kimi-chan, even though you're in pain, then so can I! I'm going to study medicine and help you get better! And it's not just you. I bet there are other people in the world that need my help too! I mean, Konoha has Tsunade, but what about the Sand Village? EEP! What about the Akatsuki!? Aniki needs me too, nyu! No wonder he's so upset all the time! But now I know what I must do! I'm going to help everybody feel better!! I'm gonna study medicine!!" insert dramatic pose here  
Kimimaro sat quietly in the bed while Sasuke spoke, eating the food as best he could. "I wonder how long it will take for these drugs to wear off…Lord Orochimaru won't be able to use me if I keep hallucinating like this." But just as he'd finished this thought, Sasuke skipped out of the room in the direction of Kabuto's private study where he kept his medical library.

Back With Orochimaru



"You mean to tell us that you created a jutsu called Prozac No Jutsu and it was originally meant to be used on Itachi Uchiha to keep him from killing you" began Kidomaru.  
"Yep." Orochimaru cheerfully said.  
"And you used it on Sasuke instead because you were more frightened of an angsty, emo 13 year old genin than his psychotic, S-ranked criminal, mass murdering, elder brother" said Sakon.  
"Yep."  
"And so that's why Sasuke has become a bubbling idiot. So what are you going use on Itachi then now that you already have used that jutsu on Sasuke?" Tayuya asked.  
Before Tayuya could get a reply from Orochimaru, Jirobo interrupted the conversation. "No respectable woman……blah blah blah"  
"…Whatever. So Orochimaru, what are you going to do about Itachi?" Tayuya asked again.  
"That's what I have Sasuke for! His rage against his brother can be used for my defense. He's surprisingly strong." Orochimaru answered proudly. "See how smart I am?! I'm a freakin' ninja genius!"  
"…But… Lord Orochimaru…" Jirobo asked. "Sasuke's different now… I don't think he has any interest in fighting at all… In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he actually wanted to help Itachi!"  
"Wha…?" Orochimaru stammered. He paused for a few seconds, thinking. "I hadn't counted on that…Then again, this could still work to my advantage. Itachi may very well find Sasuke too cute to kill now. He's let him live twice so far, and that was just normal Sasuke! My UBER-ADORABLE Sasuke would be practically invincible against him! Mwahahahahahahahaha!" The Sound Four watched their leader laugh until he began choking on his own ego (and that tongue). Still, their shock rendered them motionless, and Orochimaru might have died of suffocation had Sasuke not come running into the room at that very moment with one of Kabuto's "stolen" medicine books.  
"Uncle Orochi! Guess what? I'm gonna be a…. Uncle Orochi?" Sasuke's beaming face turned first to confusion when his teacher only lay on the ground gurgling, and then to excitement.  
"Here's my chance! Don't worry, Uncle Orochi! I'll save you!" With that said, Sasuke began flipping wildly through the book seeking the remedy. With a delighted exclamation of 'NYA!', he found the right page and he began furiously skimming the lines as Orochimaru's pale, corpse-like skin turned an unusual shade of blue. After a few more seconds, Sasuke pushed Orochimaru into a sitting position and began hugging him with all his might.  
"MAGICAL SUPER-CHARGED HUGGLE REMEDY!!" he cried in a nonsensical manner, and yet somehow, to everyone's astonishment, it worked. Orochimaru's color turned back and with a squeal of delight, he patted Sasuke on the head.  


"You hugged me! I can't believe it! Sasuke hugged me!" he swooned with tears of joy running down his face.  
"I'm going to study medicine! Did I do a good job saving you, Uncle Orochi?" Sasuke asked, looking up at him with shining eyes.  
"It took a little longer than I thought, but yes, you did! You're a natural! You're even better than Kabuto!!" Orochimaru said, not realizing that Kabuto was right outside the door at that very moment.  
Sasuke was about to say something when Tayuya burst into loud laughter and began pointing at them. Sakon ignored her and bent over the book that Sasuke had dropped when he bear hugged Orochimaru.  
"How did he get all of that out of the Heimlich maneuver?" He wondered aloud, to stunned and confused to remember his manners.  
"I think he used his chakra to physically dislodge whatever was choking Orochimaru" Kidomaru observed. "That in itself is amazing, though. The boy does indeed show incredible potential."  
"That settles it!" said Orochimaru, straightening. He disappeared for a few moments down a near by hallway only to return with a sewing machine and a lot of pink fabric. "Tomorrow we are going out training and you are to become Magical Nurse Witch Sasuke! But today, you are going to stay still so we can make your outfit!!" Orochimaru said with a glint in his eye.

Meanwhile In Konoha

Lady Tsunade was in her office awaiting the arrival of the person she requested to meet with. While she waited she looked through the mission papers one last time before making sure that every thing was perfect. And with that a certain sliver haired Ninja entered the room.  
"You're late, Kakashi." Tsunade said frustrated.  
"Well, you see there was a frat party that I stopped by on the way here and I just couldn't get out. ……….I'm so wasted right now." Kakashi kind of stumbled in as he said this.  
Tsunade's jaw almost dropped since Kakashi was so stoned that he actually couldn't make up an excuse, but that meant that he was telling the truth. 'Who puts a frat house in a Hidden Ninja Village!? Who invites a 26 year old teacher to a frat party? Are there even any collages in the area?' She shook her head of these distracting thoughts to get back to the matter at hand.  
"Ignoring your bizarre social life, if you think you're capable of it, I have a mission for you, you understand?" Tsunade announced. "I want you to recover Sasuke. You can do it how ever you like, but I want him back alive.  
Upon hearing this, Kakashi's expression lit up a little. This was going to be a fun mission……



TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 3

Sorry that this chapter came out a little later than I had hoped. Hope you enjoyed!


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